just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
