u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
