he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
