I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
