there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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