you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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