I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
