Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
