If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
