But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I could fuck to npr.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
