dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
