you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I could make wine with my vomit
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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