Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
