Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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