I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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