just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Couch. On fire.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
