I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
