bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
