Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
