So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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