So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
