got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
