i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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