I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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