so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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