don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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