At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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