so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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