Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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