yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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