Just fell off a train. Bad.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
