I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
