bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
