what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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