smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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