I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
