it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
