Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
