trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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