he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
