I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
