I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
false alarm, still single
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
