dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
