butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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