3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
