Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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