What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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