Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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