I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
