i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
