I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
