So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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